The argus, 31 décembre 1904, samedi 31 décembre 1904

[" A=) \"0 Price 3 Cents { y CL LY 6 EDITED AND PUBLISHED BY ) TELEPHONE : HENRY DALBY Main 2973.180 St.James Street, Montreal Vol.1 No.13, Montreal, Saturday, December 31, 1904, Subscription \u201cBlisters \u2014\u2014\u2014 - - es ee \u2014 : 1 U.8.52.00 S 4 ; ou EC 21 Hu = 3 e + =| %Z TS \u201cIt will all come out in the wash.\u201d Montrea!s laundry work performed before all the world\u2014that is to say the Toronto World. td Che Elrgus, Publiehed Weekly by HENRY DALBY, 180 St.James street Montreal.Price Five CExts.Annual Subscription, free of postage, in Moutreal .$2 50 Elsewhere in Canada ani the United States.2 (0 Editor.voveee vane vanes serves annsseconsoaenes HENRY DaLBY.Business Manager .c.ccoeeeuoes oo.HARRY BRaGG.SATURDAY, DECEMBER 31, 1904.It is significant of the demoralization of the Conservative party that the most severe attacks upon certain sections of the party are found in Conservative newspapers, ® kk % A good deal of Montreal conservative linen is being washed in public in Toronto just now.x kx kk That some of it badly needs washing is manifest, but 1 doubt if so much evident relish for the job was ever scen before outside of a soap advertisement.* % * * Mr.Whitney has found it necessary to intimate that he will not, if successful, make Mr.Gamev Minister of Mines.In view of Mr.Gamey's popularity as a stump speaker, this statement shows Mr.Whitney to be a man of courage\u2014and of good sense.x x x x Mr.Gamev dealt a smashing blow to the Ross Ministry.His revelations have practically prevented it from getting to business since the last elections.Mr.Stratton has leit the Government, and, most people will believe, as a direct consequence of the Gamey charges.* * * * But Mr.Gamey did not emerge from the affair with garments of snow.His little trip over to the place where the \u201cBuflalo Belles\u201d come from, was no sort of a jaunt for a prosnective Minister.There was an absence of frankness about his story which would prevent a wise province from mines in his keeping.* * k x So Mr.Whitnev will have the approval of the province in refusing to reward the undoubted party usefulness of Gamey by elevating him to a position of trust if Ontario is not going to get a Ministry \u201cof clean hands™ by a \u201cchange\u201d would be difficult to sce what it can get.* * * x As for Ross, he has stopped fighting the Prohibitionists and turned to at the task of ffehting the Tories.\\ rank outsider would think that this promised to get him more votes.putting its THE ARGUS.He will be wise if he restrains, too, any desire to answer the snow storm of \u201copen letters\u201d with which more or less obscure people are bombarding him.x * A Premier has no business popping away at every little fellow who draws attention to himself by firing at him with the smokiest powder he can find.À Premier must only fire broad-sides at the enemy's lite of battle.* * * * Alderman Stearns allowed his heart to get the better oi his head in the plea he made before the Ctiv Conneil on behalf of ex-detective Coté.i > i ï He is reported as saying that he was sorry to see a section of the press hounding a man, especially when forgiveness was, or ought to be.in the minds of all.What crime had this man committed?Was it arson.or murder, or something worse?No, he had become purely intoxicated, and entering a saloon, he got \u201cchinny.\u201d It was the first time in seventeen vears a like report had bean made against the man, and let him who had no guilt throw the first stone.Where would any man be if such ideas were to prevail?For such reasons, Ald.Stearns said he had voted to give the ex-detective another chance.He had a family to support, and if the aldermen knew all the circumstances of the cases they would have done the same as the majority of the police committee.KO OH OÙ What on carth have the aldermen or the gentlemen of the press got to do with forgiving Mr.Coté?x k * * He has not sinned against them, and it is no evidence of Christian charity to be alwavs ready to forgive somebody else's enemies.* * * Most of the aldermen seem to make the blunder of assuminy that the police force exists primarily to find remunerative employment for a deserving class of citizens \u201cwith a pull\u2019 and only incidentally for the protection of the public K O5 kx The only 1egitimate question for the aldermen and the press in connection with Coté is the simple cne: Is he a fit and proper person to be entrusted with the exceptional privileges and responsibilities of a police officer *\u201d * x * x | would even go so far as to say that in determining this question the public and not Coté should have the benefit of the doubt.* % % x Police constables enjoy immunities and privileges which render it indispensable in the public interest that they shall be above suspicion.x x x x A policeman mav be engaged in an illegal action and any ordinary citizen trying to prevent him or \u2014 rer a nd THE ARGUS.3 even remonstrating with him, is very apt to be arrested for \u201cinterfering with the police.\u201d * * * A policeman mav bully a citizen and if the mere tax-paver resents the affront, it is more than likcly that he will be arrested for \u201cinsulting\u201d or \u2018\u2018assault- ina the police.\u201d x x x = I quite recognize that it is proper and necessary that the constables should be amply protected by the magistrates and by their officers in the performance of duties which bring them into constaus conflict with private citizens, but this simply renders it indispensable that thev shall be men in whom the courts, the aldermen and the public can have implicit confidence.x x x * In my humble judgment the man who gets drunk and then gets \u201cchinnv\u201d and insults bar-maids, is not to be trusted with excentional privileges and rc- sponsibilities in dealin with private citizens.x XxX Xx x If for any reason whatever the city of Montreal owes Coté a living, why not give him a job in the Road Department?\u201c x * = I was pained to see Ald.Ames, M.P, bearing witness in the Council, the other dav, to the fact that there is \u201ca great deal of poor liquor sold in Montreal.\u201d It was not so much pain at the fact.for that is too old a truth to be painful, but at Ad.Ames\u2019 expert knowledge of the fact.x x x x How did Herbert find out?x * x x Then what makes him think that he is qualified to judge?ls his experience wide enouch to enable him to distinguish between good liauor and poor hquor?Does he judge by the smell or the taste, or\u2014like most amateurs\u2014by the cffect?2 = x = \\ morc pointed question still presses\u2014does Herbert think that there is anv \u201cgood liquor?\u201d if so, what is the common or commercial name thereof?* * * * The most interestino part of the evidence of expert witnesses is usuallv the cross-examination, and it is not likely that the cross-examination of \u201cexpert\u201d Herbert B.Ames on the poor liquor which is sold in Montreal, would be an exception to the rule.He uses the word \u201cpoor\u201d\u2014not \u201cbad.\u201d How is it \u201cpoor,\u201d because it is too weak or too strong?\u201d + * >k * Ii the Dominion Government appoints an official \u2014as requested by the Council\u2014to examine the liquor sold in Montreal, he should consult Ald.Ames before taking up his duties.Ald.Ames usually speaks with authoritv\u2014and not as the scribes, such as I.He may have made a careful canvass of the \u201ccity below the still\u201d He should be given a chance to tell what he knows and how Le knows it.x * \u201c Alderman Galierv got the City Council to pass a resolution asking the Federal Government to appoint somebody to analvse the intoxicating liquors sold in Montreal.The man called Dan, in the course of his arguments, remarked that many suspected that the recent murders in Montreal were committed by pcople who were crazy from drinking adulterated liquors, PE le * * * * This action of the Council is quite enouraging, it leads one to hope that some day it mav deal practically with the question of the awfully handy revolver.There is much to be said in connection with the relative powers for evil of the two nuisances, that while the adulterated liquor does not invariably or even generally lead to homicide, the revolver seldom leads to anvthing else worth mentioning.i st x ES But the combination! Fhe combination où the adulterated liquor and the awfully handy revolver is one of the deadlicst curses with which humanity is afflicted.* + * * Core avain, Dan! x + The Road Department has once more commene- ed its pitiful pot'ering with the snow on the roads.x * = * I do not know any city which can accomplish less with more money than Montreal.x * * x It would pav to send the whole City Council to Ottawa for a few davs to learn something about snow removal * * * x The aldermen would come back so heartily ashamed of Montreal's ridiculous methods that they would not lose a dav in making a radical change, x * * * The citv fathers are not only wasting thousands of dollars \u20acf public monev year after vear bv the wanton extravagance of their expenditure on the snow (to which I do not particularly object), but they are causing the citizens to lose hundreds of thousands by the obstruction to traffic caused by the inadequacy of the work.\u201c x * * My decided opinion is that the work will never be done satisfactorily, until it is undertaken on the main thoroughfares at least by the Street Railway Company.The aldermen would still have the side 4 THE ARCUS.The work would be done ten times as well at hali the cost, so far as the streets on which there are car tracks are concerned.x x x + I do not begrudge the money carned by the laborers with the little sleighs.I am quite willing that the Council should continue to spend as much money as ever on this extravagance.providing the system is confined to the side streets where it cannot do much harm, but this should not prevent more vigorous and practical operations on the main throughfares.* * x x That exceedingly well edited paper, the Philadelphia Saturday Evening Post, tells this story in a brief editorial on \u201cVanity Masquerading.\u201d x x x x A voung woman decided that she must do something toward the spiritual and worldly welfare of her fellow-beings.So she left home and joined an order of deaconesses: ari she is now engaged in impressing her acquaintances, herself and a section of \"the slums™ with her heroic self-sacrifice and her lofty ideals.She left behind her at home: Item\u2014An old father who has only such care and attention as servants can give him.Item\u2014An old mother who sits lonely and bored.Item\u2014A houseful of servants, who, through lack of guidance and direction, are learning to be dishonest, shiftless, incompetent, worthless.There are several other items ; these are enough, are thev not?The young woman thinks she is a heroine and sort of martvr.In fact she is amusing herself, is gratifving a flabby vanitv, and is deliberately shirking every one of the real duties of life.And this makes no account of the result of her slum activities as a maker of paupers and sycophants.x x = + If this is a true story of an individual case the criticism may be justifiable, but is scarcely worthv of publication, * * * * If the instance is put forward as tvpical, I think it does a grave injustice to a large class of self-sac- rificing women who have renounced not only the pomps and vanities of this wicked world, but many of the ordinary comforts of life in order to devote themselves to the service of the poor.C * x x = The accident at the Park Slide to Mr.H.D.Picken has called public attention to the fact that barbed wire is used to keep people from trespassing on \u2018the slide.* x * x 1 do not think that it is justifiable to use barbed wire cven to keep the public from trespassing upon its own property.Nor is the fact that the wire is more dangerous to the members oi the Park Toboggan Club than to anvbody else a sufficient justification.*x x kX Xx The \u201cStar\u201d says with reference to a speech of Winston Churchill's: \u201cIf it were possible to take this sort of cheap buncombe seriously, there is not a man in Canada who would disagree with Mr.Churchill.\u201d Fancy the Montreal \u201cStar\u201d denouncing \u201ccheap buncombe.\u201d * x * * However, \u2018it is never too late to mend,\u201d and if the \u201cStar\u201d should ever decide to swear off cheap buncombe it may become a great as well as a big news- yaper.pap x Xx Xx * Dr.Osler has been giving some excellent advice to the Toronto doctors.Among other good things he said: \u201cNever believe what vou hear against vour brother practitioner, not even if you know it to be true.\u201d * x + x A man's estimate of his fellow men, in general, is a pretty good indication of his own character.= * * * If he believes that his neighbor under a given set of circumstances will follow a certain line of action it is exceedingly probable, that under the same circumstances, he would follow the same line of action x x x x This general rule is, of course, liable to modification by special knowledge born of experience with regard to individuals.* * * * As some wit has remarked: \u201cAll generalizations are false including this one.\u201d *x kx kk Nevertheless the man who is apt to suspect all other men of being thieves is not to be trusted anv- where out of jail: and the woman who has a low opinion of the virtue of the other women will bear being watched.os 5 « = + For instance.the man who denounces all aldermen and legislators as boodlers is not a good man to elect to the City Council or Parliament.| * 2 = = A man arrested in New York on Wednesday for attempting suicide explained that he and a friend being down on their luck had agreed to commit suicide.together.\u201c * * + What kind of instinct or process of reasoning can lead men to enter into such a compact?That a thoroughly disheartened man, should be impelled to self-destruction is at least intelligible: but upon what principle does he assume the awful responsibil- itv of binding another man bv a solemn agreement to commit the same foolish crime?J ETES ge AE mate a THE ARGUS.5 In this particular case, the other man was successful and a widow and several orphans are plunged in grief throush the advice of the man who attempted but failed to kill himself.* x x = Interviewed mits that his active cruisade .against disorderly houses is having a disastrous effect upon the morals of the streets.But he savs: \u201cthe law is very plain, and I am not allowed to use any discretion.\u201d \u201c« x # + That is the trouble with most of our moral legislation.It lacks discretion and forbids the use of discretion in its administration, * * x * It is well-meanng, but it tackles problems that have perplexed all nations and all ages with the delicate tact of a bull at a gate.x XxX = = The intclligent reporter gravely and naively remarks that \u201cit looks as though the authorities had at last decided to put down the social evil alto- fether in Montreal.\u201d x 4 x = No less than twenty-six prizes were awarded the Jesuit exhibits at the St Louis Exposition, and mong than was a gold medal to the Rev.Arthur FE.Jones, S.J.archivist of St.Mary's College, Montreal.* x x 0% Some of Father Jones\u2019 friends maintain that his initials stand for \"all England Jones.\u201d Be that as it may, they are the initials of an intensely patriotic \u201cBritisher,\u201d an enthusiastic arch®ologist, a devoted priest and a very lovable man.I have no doubt the exhibit deserved the cold medal and I am sure that he did.* * * * Though we are hearing of local distress in certain portions of the United Kingdom, especially in london, the commients of the leading trade journals, which do not exploit such lack of employment as due to political causes or Mr.Balfour's cabinet are adducine cvidences of a revival of trade in the great manufacturing centres which will inevitably permeate through the entire community.x % x + Not only in Lancashire, the long depressed centre of the cotton industry, but in the iron and shipbuilding industries, work is more plentiful.* * * * Unless there is any hastv attempt to force up wages, so that contracts are lost to foreign competitors, the depression so largely due to the losses of the war and the depreciation in securities, is likely to pass away in the coming year.by a reporter, Chief Campeau ad- .ada is \u201crise in stock values and a greater ability and in- 1700 ce .à clination to invest money in enterprises from which This is the opinion of conservative financiers who have been among the most active in enforcing economies in capital \u2018 expenditure since 1899, and now believe themselves to be in a better position to compete with the foreigner on account of those economies, w® * ® k That such an outcome will be of benefit to Can- obvious, for better home trade will mean a Canadians will stand to benefit.KE x x A continuance of international peace between the great nations is, of course, as essential to this result as is a satisfactory working between the large emplovers and their workmen, as to a fair dav's wage.* The average hours of the British artisan are less than those of his leading foreign competitors and this is a factor which the most able leaders of labor organizations are beginning to appreciate.k x Thev hope to see the Belgian and the German workmen improve their position and upon anything like equal terms thev believe the Briton can hold his own.even under the present fiscal policy.* * * * London contains a terrible number of unskilled workmen who are the first to experience the results of a falling off in the work of their skilled brethren and the last to participate in a revival of their prosperitv.* k kK London also contains the majority of that class of emigrant who fails to succeed in a country like Canada: the men who are not used to steady hard work and do not like it.I, D.CLOAK-ROOMS IN DEPARTMENT AI, STORES.Editor, THE ARGUS.Dear Sir \u2014A copy of Tir ArGts, dated Dec.21, sent to us, calls our attention to what is felt to be a want in a large departmental store, namely, a cloak-room for ladies.We are always glad to have our attentior called to anything of this kind, or any improvement suggested, and in this particular instance, desire to notify you that the accommodation referred to was inaugurated by us two years ago, and is taken advantage of by quite a number of our customers, Yours respectfully.HENRY MORGAN & Co 0 THE ARGUS.THE THROES OF COMPOSITION.\u201cA man can write just as well at one time as at another, if he will only Dr.Johnson's assertion that set his mind to it\u201d does not seem to be the commor experience of writers, The exceptions\u2014those who write à certain amount dailv, and do not give way to imagining that they are not in good writing jorm- do not produce work ot the first order où merit, In the \u201cCornmil! Magazine\u201d for November there is a chatty paper on the \u2018Throes of Com position,\u201d hy Michael MacDonagh.Trollope, when he heard the idea preached that a writer should wait for inspiration, was \u201chardly able to repress his scorn.To me, it would not be more absurd if the shoemaker were to wait for inspiration, or the tallow-chandler for the divine in cobbler\u2019s moment wax on his and daily wrote, stop-wateh beside him, for a given number of hours, at the exact rate of two hundred and fifty words every quarter of an hour.of melting.\u201d He believed chair much more than in inspiration: ven at sea, in the intervals of scasickness, he would do this.Sin Walter Scott said \u201che had never known a man 0.gemus who could be perfectly regular in his habits while he had known manv blockheads models ot and method.\u201d MacDonagh savs, was neither.who were order Trollope, as Mr.Southey was another clockwork type of writer and, again, not a gemus.Sheridan found a glass of port for oringing forth reluctant ideas.Fielding \u201cgot up steam\u201d with brandy and water.Wilkie Collins \u201cWoman in White\u201d owed much to doses of champagné and brandy.fohn- son compiled his dictionary with the aid of tea.Charles Lamb found that beer or wine \u201clighted up his fading fancy.enriched his humor, and impelled the strugghng thought or beautiful image into dav.\u201d Perhaps the only great poet who was intemperate was Durns.Darwin's literary stimulant was snuff, but the commonest aid to literary inspiration is undoubtedly tobacco.Milton, though a water drinker and a vegetarian, was a smoker.\u201cCharles Kingsley often worked himself white neat of composition over the book invaluable into a upon which he was engaged, until, too excited to write any more, he would calm himself down with a pipe and a walk in his garden.\u201d Duckle, the historian never grudged money for two things\u2014tobacco and books.Tennyson, too, was an inveterate smoker Absolute silence is essential to most writers in the throes of composition, though few are se nervously fastidious as Carlvle.When he had built his sound-proof room in Chevne Row it turned out \u201cby far the noisiest in the house,\u201d \u201ca kind of infernal miracle! George Eliot could not endure the sound of Lewes\u201d pen-scratching; whereas Goldsmith did his best work while starving in a wretched room in Green Arbour Court.Janc Austen, also, wrote in the common family sitting- room, and Mrs.Oliphant was no better off.Charlotte Bronté would interrupt her writing to pee.potatoes, and then go on again.Truly, as the writer savs, \"an intellect which will work dependently of time and place and circumstances 1s a priceless possession to professiona.But it is clearly a possession given te very lew of them, and to still fewer whose works scem destined to remain permanently to enrich our literature.\u2014\" American writers,\u201d Review of Reviews.\u201d \u2014\u2014_>#> Arthur Friedhenn, the great pianist, and exponent of Liszt's music, has written an opera, entitled \u201cThe Dancer.\u201d Diogenes, Thais and Alex ander the Great are among the characters.Jean De Reski, teaching singing receives the largest sum for lessons probably ever paid: S120 per hour.class at $30 per pupil money's worth.who 1s now He has three pupils in a Let us hope they get thei = 2 5 I'l DEPENDED.Tle Mistress: What ix your name?Cook: Mrs Jenkins, \u201c1x you expect to hc called Mrs, Jenkins?\u201d \u201cOh, no, ma'am, not if you have an alarm clock,\u201d DIRECTION FOR USE, The invenior of a new feeding bottle for infants sent out the following among his directions for using: \u201cWhen the baby is done drinking it must be unscrewed sud laid in & ool place under the hydrant.If che baby doe: not thrive on fresh milk it should be boiled.\u201d CITY REPORT.City editor (io reporter) \u2014\u201cIbid you sce those sleeping- cars that were reported on fire.\u201d Reporter\u2014\u201cNo, sir.When ! got there they sioking-cars.\u201d were all AN EVEN THING.He\u2014*\"But, my darling, I don\u2019t feel as if 1 could afford to take you abroad on a honeymoon.You know i'm only getting three thousand a year, and the trip wonid cost that much.\u201d She\u2014\u201cBut we could be gone a year.\u201d HIS YEARN.He (who boards, and therefore always hungers)\u2014 After a'l, there is nothing like two at a table.She (who sighs for him)\u2014A man and He (promptly) \u2014A man and a turkey! ? Eppa THE ARGUS.LORD MINTO.From a\u2019 painting bv Robt.Harris, PCR, pre sented by Mr.Baumgarten to the \u201cMontreal Hunt Club.\u201d Mr.Robert Harris, P.R.C.\\., has added another leaf to his laurels, by his fine portrait of Lord Minto, which Mr.Daumgarten has presented to the Montreal Hunt Club.The illustration gives but a poor impression of the picture though proclaiming at once its excellence as a portrait.Only a master of the brush could paint brilliant colours with such admirable restraint as Mr.Harris has exercised in the treatment of the scarlet coat, the vellow waistcoat, and the white breeches, which harmonise so well with the rich flesh tints, making a most interesting and striking composition, than which none could be more happily appropriate for its ultimate destination, Mr.Harris certainly seems to have gained the secret of what may be called the grand style of portrait painting, as represented by the carly Fng- lish masters.Power, grace and distinction are present even in the smallest details of this pictures.The hunting crop in the accompanying portrait is « N Tu Ie | \u2014 25 Numt NN pt il \\ j THE ARG = == = ?== pe = | = | |e | I aS \u2014 Maud the course of It was a summer 1 N = | | ; y! | 4 EN | \u2014 ] ll \u2014_\u2014lm oa $ | | \u2018 oP .Spooner and ii | SOUVENIR SPOONS, Tr RS | on a fine day in June.{0 | | Ih {' ¢ H 13 To young Mr i | |; Bay, | | { \\ ih | i | ; | | y ik I! | y / | ( > | I i | ; | 710 0 | ) i | | I | | | ) / { | | ( / IA, CS Ibe | i i i M 7 ; | sent J i | 3 FA J 7 y | ' I if 1 J j of 1 i, X JS Ar ù 4 IS 7 : J t | if ) pus Cl 7 | IL 7 1! { i | ÿ Us I 7 I li / I k 4 ) ) ) fi 5 | | 11 | j i # | i / f ( / j \\ dr La sf! Ri Yy | \\ t {f ( A { Ji fi I Vi / | | il XX (6 Ny (A ; ) \" ly : J Ï j Ne eo J 7 } Ve) fi 7 j }' \\ Y $ ) J 7.i A iv A à {1 i eT 0 7 (Lg 1) ( 117 | | VY A Mi ni.4 | i Li; Hl {| | | na À YN li \u2018 \u2018 Je / N IN | a 3 a i i fi 72 ( 5 i) ) J) 4, | A | J 3) al 7 / iy Wy 3 whiff sy A a 6 \u2018fr i! çé ff Ji | \\ Wl {a \u201cy fi Wi Ly iy \u2018IH ft / ; | ; Al les \u201cHo 7 [ \\ 1 | | es N° J | Je { WA \\ N ( i) ( | ( | | | ; A et / ; ) Hl) As il + Si 1 I Ao 4 4 .foe me I \\ if | | ~ À 1 IR f 44 | | | CA \u201c | {1 | | | 4 = td Ai VA | | ) | ! \u2014\u2014) \"il 9 wt > | i A fi il i + À q la al \\ \\) 4 ! | AM | i at Fi = La iy In I À si à | ly J fg NERA & y Du ( os | | A 20 ls Th i) | At = ' | .7 } \\ «À | \\\\ A IY \\ \\ VAN SX Le | t I\" A AAA a \\ \\ XX \\ ; \u20ac Ÿ \\ } ; MAL \\ {} | | | A NWN \\ \\ \\ À lu j VAN À \\ / Hh | \\ | W \\ \\ = = i! | i) ( 7 fl \\ il \\ | | = | lh \\ | Il | ve à \\ va A ce ; = (4 Æ ag | | Hifi Hat (| Vi aw y as the current in Valois | ST._LOUIS, | | | LAKE.' | | 3» ! A y etes | of true love ran as smoothl idyl,but like all summers and most idyls all too short : Number, \"HE, ARGUS = SR «davps (ll H À THE ARGUS.Poetry, Verse or Worse THE COMPLETE DOCTOR.(Vide the recently published Confessions of un English Doctor).My friends, by every means you can, Avoid the life of a medicine man.His lot in a vale of woe is thrown, With never a minute to call his own.As soon as he closes his weary eyes, Some inconsiderate patient dies, And inconsiderate babes are born When he creeps to bed in the grey of morn: By night and day he is slave and thrall To every pauper that bids him call.But if, no matter what I may say.You still persist in your wilful way, A hint or two from one who knows, May lighten your self-inflicted woes.Be youth and youthful ways forgot: Assume an age if you have i: not.Try to look prosperous, plump and porty\u2014 Medical men are voung at forty.The working-man with anxious care, Sprinkles with tea his grizzling hair; All trace of youthfulness you must hide, With a little po:asxium cyanide, As youth must be carefully kept from view, So ignorance ought to be hidden too, Judicious deception will do far more Than all your .Esculapian lore.Your power is gone when a man supposes, You have a doubt of your diagnosis.In your innermost heart you may feel at sea\u2014 If it's mumps, or measles, or housemaid's knee\u2014 But once let your victim perceive your trouble, And the fount of his faith will cease to bubble.There may be doctors, 1 do not doubt, Who, when a patient is prone to gout, Will strongly advise him to cut it short With his pounds of flesh and his bottles of port, A oourse like that is devoid of sense: He takes the advice or he takes offense, If he takes offense he kicks you out; If he takes the advice he is cured of his gout; And instead of dispensing for him, chen! He promp:ly proceeds to dispense with you.But let your tact he mostly spent In winning the feminine element, For a medical man need scarce he told A woman with nerves is a mine of gold.Thus, when you enter your patient's room, Affect a sympathetic gloom! Don't laugh at the curious things she feels In her arms and legs, in her soles and heels, The grinding ache in her back, the smart Of the red-hot needle that stabs her heart; But stroke her hand in a soothing way And ask her, \u201cHow is the pulse to-day?\u201d Enquire for the pain at the back of her nose, The fecling of dizziness down in her toes, The block of ice in her burning chest, The red-hot coal in her freezing breast, The lead in her liver\u2014and all the rest.If doctors stickled for truth, how many Would ever be blessed with an honest penny?How many who drive a spanking palr, Would do their rounds on Shanks\u2019 mare, And still find plenty of time to spare?\u2014\u201cPunch.\u201d BEHIND THE TIMES.\u2018Behind the times,\u201d expresses pat, My sorry case.This last year\u2019s hat And shabby coat the fact betray.Her father frowns, and well he may\u2014 My pocketbook is lean and flat.This hustling age 1 can\u2019t combat; I.s fleeting fames, its fortunes fat Elude my grasp.I'm doomed to stay Behind the times.But there&s a game of tit-for-tat; I'm up to date, at least, in that.The world may run its whirling way, For all o\u2019 me since yesterday, I kissed her while her father sat Behind the \u201cTimes.\u201d Jennie Betts Hartswick, in the \u201cSmart Set.\u201d RILL NYE'S COW, \u201cOne of Bill Nye's old stories has been going the rounds of late,\u201d said a man who admired the late humorist, \u201caad it is.in my judgment, onc of the cleverest hits of wit circulated in connection with Nye's life, Nye owned a cow which he wanted to sell, and put an advertisement in the paper which read like this: \u2018Owing to ill-health, I will sell at my residence, in township 19, range 18, accerding to the government survey, one plush raspberry cow, aced eight years.She is of undoubted courage and gives milk frequently.To a man who does not fear death in any form she would be a great boon.She is very much attached to her present home with a stay chain, but she will he sold to anyone who will agree to treat ner right She is one-fourth short-horn and three-fourths hyena, | will also throw in a double-barrel shotgun, which goes with her.In May she usually goes away for a wzek or two and returns with a tall red calf with wobbly legs.Iter name is Rose.I! would rather sell her to a nonresident\u2019 Did he sell the cow?Oh, I don't know about that.I'm just telling you about the advertisement, that\u2019s all\u2019\u201d\u2019\u2014\u201cNew Orleans Times-Democrat.\u201d - rt sal taint ~All TH © a \u2014 2 THE ARGUS.rs , BEWARE, \u201cCRAW CRAW.\u201d (The Chicago City Health Department has issued the following warning as a safeguard against \u201ccraw craw,\u201d the Rew osculatory disease: \u201cDon\u2019t kiss any one.Get vaccinated.Keep the lips perfectly clean.Before Kissing wash the lips with a solution of boracic acid.\u201d When you would seek a lovely miss, Upon the wings of passion, Remember unhygienic kiss- Es arc no more in fashion, In places where you little reck, Is the bacillus crass hid, So- fill your flasks up to the neck With safe boracic acid.And though she would the favor grant, That means your exaltation, Before you sip just make an ant- Iseptic application.Ah, toriuous is Cupid's course In these days of much science; And those who'd not feel dire remorse, Won't set germs at defiance.Still, when young souls in parlor woo, With gas turned low and glareless, Ah, sad it is, but it is true, They're likely to be careless.\u2014\u201cIndianapolis News.\u201d SARCASTIC.They had been discussing the baby\u2019s ears, eyes and nose.\u201cAnd I think it's got its father\u2019s hair,\u201d said the joyful young mother.\u201cOh, is that who's got it?I noticed it was missing.\u201d And as the tall girl with the suave manner said this the mother looked dubiously at her.Representative Dresser, of Bradford, Pa, is a large manufacturer of oil well supplies.Since he has been in politics he has allowed his son to manage some parts of his business.A week or two ago he went up home to look over the factory, and while he was in his office a man from one of the oil districts asked to see him.\u201cWhat is it, Jim?\u201d Representative Dresser asked.\u201cWhy, Mr.Dresser,\u201d the visitor replied.\u201cI am in a heap of trouble.I owe six hundred dollars and it is keeping me up nights worrying how I can pay it.I haven't got the money.\u201d \u201cMy dear Jim,\u201d Dresser replied.\u201cI don\u2019t see why that should disturb you.Let the other fellow do the worrying.I bave found that the best plan\u201d \u201cIs that a good plan?\u201d \u201cBest in the world.Whom do you owe the money to.\u201d \u201cTo your son: I bought some stuff of him.\u201d \u2014\u201cDetroit Journal.\u201d NOTIIING UNUSUAL.Hewitt\u2014Did Gruet marry for love?., Jewett\u2014Yes, but it was unrequited affection; he can\u2019t get hold of his wife\u2019s money.The successful lawyer was heard to say that cases alter circumstances, OUT OF ALL PROPORTION.On Christmas Eve, as pretty Jane Came tripping down the stair, The spicy smell of Christmas greens Pervaded all the air.\u201cNow this I can not understand,\u201d Said Jane.\u201cWhy is it so?A hundred sprays of holly And but one of mistletoe!\u201d CIiRISTMAS DAY.Once more we see the far-off Eastern land: Its vineyards, mounts, and plains, its lakes and seas; White towns with walls and gates, with domes and trees; Its temples, tombs, and desert-wastes of sand, We see the shepherds watching flocks at night, And hear the Angel say, \u201cBe not afraid; The Christ is born, and in a manger laid;\u201d While clouds of singers softly fade from sight.Again we see the moving star on high, And note the Magi, past the stable-door, Unroll their gifts and spread them on the floor, Unmindful of the ass and oxen nigh.\"Tis Christmas brings these scenes before our eyes.The day is ours, good friends.Take heed: Time files.\u2014Sarah Wilson, Christmas Number \u201cChambers Journal.\u201d THE KILMAROO.The man in the train was carrying something in a closed box.Every now and then he would open the lid cautiously, peep in, and then close the lid mysteriously.His actions soon excited the curiosity of a naturalist who sat on the seat by him.Unable to conceal his inquisitiveness, the naturalist touched him on the shoulder and said: \u201cI beg your pardon, sir, but I am curious to know what you have in that box.What is it?\u201d \u201cOh, I don't want to tell; it will get all over the compartment.\u201d \u201cIs it a savage animal?\u201d \u201cYes, kills everything.\u201d Then the man peeped in again, Growing still more curious, the naturalist begged him to tell its name.\u201cIt's a kilmarco from the center of Africa.Very savage beast; cats men and » \u201cAnd what do you feed it on?\u2019 interrupted the naturalist, \u201cSnakes, sir\u2014snakes.\u201d \u201cAnd where do you get snakes enough to feed such a monster?\u201d asked the cager naturalist.\u201cWell, sir, my brother drinks a good deal.He has delirium tremens, and, when he sees snakes, we just catch \u2018em and\u2014\u2014\" \u201cBut those are imaginary snakes,\u201d argued the naturalist.\u201cHow can you feed a savage beast on imaginary snakes?\u2019 \u201cWell.the fact is,\u2019 said the man, opening the box and blowing into it\u2014\u201cdon\u2019t say a word\u2014but\u2014between you and me\u2014this is an imaginary kilmaroo.\u201d 16 THE ARGUS.Notices of New Books THE SIN OF DAVID.By STEPHEN PHILLIPS.(N.Y.: MacMillan.Toronto: G.N.Morang.) Stephen Phillips, by his \u201cChrist in Hades,\u201d his volumes entitled *Poems;\" \"Ulysses ;\" \"l\u2019aulo and Francesca,\u201d and now bv \u201cThe Sin of David\u201d has received more praise from the best critics of English poetry than any of his contemporaries.His life has been a varied one.He is the son oi the Rev.Dr.Stephen Phillips, Precentor oi l\u2019eter- borough Cathedral, and was educated at the Gram- mer-schools of Stratiord and Peterborough.After studying for the Civil Service, he abandoned his intention, and went on the stage, playing all sorts of parts with Frank Benson & Co.Subsequently, he became Army tutor at a large English school, and finally adopted literature as a profession.His play of \u201cUlysses,\u201d published two ycars ago is one of the great dramatic poems of the last decade, and proved also a fine acting play as was shown by its successful run on the English and on the American stage.If \u201cThe Sin of David\" is hereaiter produced on the boards, we feel confident that its simple plot, pathetic interest, and truth to nature, will win a triumph for both author and actors.The drama is not Biblical, but follows closely the record of its Old Testament prototype, viz., the impressive story of King David and Bathsheba, the beautiful wiic of Uriah, who, unlike the husband of Miriam in the present drama, was passionately devoted to his wife.It is one of the touching parts of the story of the brave Hittite, that he was shot down by the archers on the wall of a besieged town\u2014unconscious of his wife\u2019s dishonor.Mr.Phillips has laid the scenes of his three-act play in the time of the English Civil War, among the surroundings of part of the parliamentary army that is operating in the eastern part of the country, known as the Fenlands.The first act takes place in 1643, the first year of the war, and Colonel Mar- dvke, of the Parliamentary army, and husband of the youthful Miriam, is the owner of Rushland House, the headquarters of the Puritan forces.In the first scene Mardyke is the first speaker, and while his officers are all standing with bowed heads and folded hands around a table covered with papers, he asks whether there are any charges to be heard against any of the Puritan soldiers.One of the officers rises, and states that a certain Lieutenant Joyce is loudly accused of a carnal crime, and of \u201chaving by violence a maid undone.\u201d The criminal has been arrested, and is waiting outside the door of the council room, close guarded.At Mardyke's command he is brought in, interrogated, and confesses to \u201ca young maid's enforcement.\u201d He offers no long excuse or explanation after admitting \u201cIt is true;\u201d but, in reply to Mardyke, who asks how as an officer he could so far forget himself, he says: \u201cHer face was close to me, and dimmed the world.Yet have I fought, and in the front of all, Shall one mad moment all those hours outweigh?Who, being human, is forever sure?\u201d Mardyke is bent on punishing the Lieutenant\u2019s sin with death, when a letter is brought to him from Sir Hubert Lisle, the Commander of the Forces announcing that he is \u201cfollowing hard on his letter, and proposes to make Rushland House his headquarters.The Colonel then retires to bid his wife, Miriam, and his sister, Martha, make due preparation for the entertainment of Sir Hubert.His commands to Miriam are cold and peremptory.She is to stand by the Commander's chair, bring him the cup of welcome with her own hands, and sce that he lacks nought that she can bestow.As she turns silently to go, Mardyke adds: \u201cMiriam! heed well that you displease him not, By silly gaud on bosom or in hair, Lest he account thee light, a daughter of Gath, I'll strip this chain from thee: these wanton beads, Meshes of Satan, grind I into dust.\u201d He then snatches the chain roughly from her neck, and tramples it under foot.When he has left the room, Miriam says tremulously to Martha: \u201cAm I not as that chain, trod under foot, Chidden and checked, even more than when a child?\u201d and we commiserate the innocent young wife, and condemn at the same time the stern old husband.Miriam further complains that she had been left by her father (who was killed at La Rochelle), in the care of Mardyke, and that when she was only fitted to be his daughter, he had made her his wife.But she adds with bitter feeling: \u201clI am no wife to him, and the waked woman, Within me cries against the yoke, and loathes it, = x +* Well! I have paid to the full! He starves my soul.He locks my spirit up, and keeps the key.\u201d THE ARGUS.17 The two then leave the room, and the military officers re-enter, and scat themselves at the table.Mardyke sits at the head, and takes their votes for life or death in the case of Lieutenant Joyce.The result of the ballot is soon declared: \u201cThe vote is even!\u201d Lisle, who has just arrived, then enters the council-chamber, and Mardyke motions him to take the head of the table, telling him that the casting vote lies with him.Mardvke explains the situation, and the Commander concludes an energetic speech, with the words: \u201cDeath! Let him die!\u201d Joyce is then brought in, guarded, and Lisle sentences him to death, adding: \u201cHast anything to sav7\"_ Joyce merely replies :\u2014 \u201cThou who so lightly dealest death to me.Be chou then very sure of thine own soul!\u201d Sir Hubert then dismisses Jovee and the guards.and fervently exclaims :\u2014 \u201cOh! judge me, Thou that sittest in Thy Heaven, As I have shown no mercy, show me none! If ever a woman's beauty shall ensnare My soul into such sin as he has sinned.\u201d Meanwhile, Miriam has centered with wine, and she stands waiting.Lisle sees her before him, and stands motionless.Mardyke then introduces her to him: \u201cSir Huberc Lisle, my wife! to her I leave you.\u201d The two, left by themselves, then converse freely, and Miriam, in reply to his questioning, informs him that she was born in France.and is fond of music and song.Finally, their conversation is interrupted by a sudden sound of musketry, and Miriam asks: \u201cWhat sound was that\u201d\" and Lisle answers :\u2014 \u2018lieutenant Joyce, of this God's army, shot, By my command! He sinned against a maid.\u201d This ends the first Act, and we regret that our limited space will allow us only to summarize the incidents of the two remaining Acts.Mardyke becomes more tyrannical than ever to Miriam, and when one evening he finds her playing the mandolin, of which she is very fond, harshly addresses her: \u201cMistress, bestir you! To your household tasks, And make this dwelling ready for the night!\u2019 And then to bed! else &ll I lock you up; Provide you bread to eat, water to drink.I'll siarve this flend of indolence out of you.\u201d His sister Martha becomes indignant at his shameless words, and says :\u2014 \u201cBrother! it is not wise to Use her thus: 1 tell yeu, \u2018iig not wise; such roughnes Al] Women desperate.\u201d Mardvke replies to his sister: \u201cLeave us together, and after her departure, says to Miriam: \u2014 \u201cThat which I spoke, I spoke it not i _ Remember! to your duties\u2014then to bed: Fe catches torably hold of her, until she cries out: Sir, vou hurt my wrist\u2014forbear.\u201d Lisle subsequently sees hier injured wrist, and, suspecting the truth, says to her: \u201cTis bruised as by a blow!\u201d Weeks, however, before this, the Commander had forgotten his own words about being ensnared by a woman's beauty, and also the warning words of St.Paul: \u201cLet him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.\u201d He and Miriam had fallen (as was natural under all the circumstances), hopelessly in love with cach other, and just when their mutual love has been confessed, need arises for a brave and skiliul leader in a desperate attack on the Rovahists, which is almost certain to result in the death of the leader.After much irresolute hesitation, bisle, infatuated with his love for Miriam, not unknown to her, sends Mardvke to his doom, as King David of old sent the Hittite to his death.Here, we most unwillingly end, merely adding that in the third Net, which takes place five vears after the death of Mardvke, Lisle and \\liriam are married, and living quietly in a house on the outskirts of the town of Wakefield, in Yorkshire, with an only son who is the pride of their life and the delight of their eves, He dies, and Sir Hubert, feeling in his re- morscful soul that the child's death is God's way of punishing him for the death of Mardyke, confesses everything to Miriam.At first she is so indignant that she will hardlv speak to him.Finally, her deep love for him returns, and she falls on his heart with a crv.Then she slowly takes his hand to lead him to the death-chamber of the chi, and the last line of the play is, \u201cWill vou come in with mc, and look af him?\u201d _\u2014\u2026_ ud; \u2014 \u2014 HEARTS IN EXILE.By Joux OXENHAM, (Toronto: The Copp.Clark Co.The fact that Mr.Oxenham's romance of Siberia made its first appearance in the \u201cLondon Times Weekly Edition\u201d is a sufficient guarantee of its high merit.The story does not, as might have been expected, deal minutely with intrigue and nihilism: but.on the contrary, leaves that familiar branch of Russian tales entirely alone, and concerns itseli mainiv with the simple desires of a maiden, Hope [vanovna.half Russian and half Scotch.to educate and upliit the poor of her native country, For their cake.as she was herself poor, she refuses the hand Af Paul Pavlof, a poor doctor whom she loves, and who is a co-worker with her in the cause to which she is devoted, and marries his rival and friend, 18 ) THE ARGUS.Serge Palma, a millionaire, whose wealth she means to use for the common good.She is successful.bevond her expectations, in this, at first, loveless marriage, winning over her case-loving husband.and gradually moulding him into a really fine character.Their motto in dealing with the down-trod den classes was advisedly, \u201cevolution\u2014not revolution.\u201d and thev persistentlv did their best to keep clear of politics.Nevertheless, in consequence of an insurrection in the quarters in which they were known to work, Serge Palma was arrested suddenly and sent to Siberia.He had no time to send a message to his devoted wife, and it was only \u2018en route\u201d to his nlace of exile, the mines of Kara, that accidentally, as it were.he stumbled across Paul l\u2019avlof.who was being transported to \u201cthe provinces.\u201d from which escape was at least possible.For the pure love that he still bore to Hope, Paul with difficulty persuaded Serge to change clothes and nasnes with him, and to go for Paul's five years to the comparatively free Province of Minusinek.Serge\u2019s term, it must be noted, was ten vears at the Mines of Kara.in the very heart of Siberia, In the meantime, Hope had learned of her husband\u2019s exile and destination, and had obtained permission to join him.She started for Kara in the Spring.only to find that the exile known as Serge Palma was really Paul.His self-sacrifice thus formed a serious knot in the already tangled skein of their lives: and, to complicate matters still further, Kara was a place where it was not safe for a woman to live alone.Hope was reluctantly compelled to receive Paul's strictly honorable protection, and at once recognized his uprightness and the true nobility of his character.The inherent difficulties of the theme, the interchanged personalities.and the Enoch Arden entanglement, are managed with a direct simplicity that marks the novelist who is experienced in the technique of his art.In process of time, news came that Serge was dead.and the two cxiles aoreed to marry.Dut suddenly, just when there was a fair prospect of Paul's being released, Serge, long supposed dead, re-appears on the scene to find his wife and his friend living together.Then an attempt is made to escape, but the party is pursued and overtaken, and in the fight that ensues Serge is mortally wounded.He declares even then that Paul is the real Serge Palma, and dies with a noble lie on his lips\u2014\"\u201csplendide mendax.\u201d as Horace has finelv said.When the story ends, Paul is preparing to leave Russia, a free man with the heroic Hope as his wife.The story, it will be seen, is dramatic without degenerating into melodrama, and with less skilful handling than that of Mr.Oxenham, the embarrassing situations might have proved disastrous.As we have paid more attention to the plot of the story, for the interest of our readers, than to details of criticism, we will end by borrowing two sentences about its own contributor from the \u201cLondon Times.\u201d Its reviewer writes as follows: \u201cIn the account of life in Siberia, which, after all, is the part of the book which will most strike most readers, Mr.Oxenham has avoid- cd the common and pernicious error (apparent even in Mr.Merriman's best work), of what was called by a courageous commingler of metaphor, \u2018cookin x the atmosphere He has succeeded admirably in letting the imagination make its own contribution, and his technical knowledge of words and things is accurate.\u201d On the whole, we rank \u201cHearts in Foxile™ as one of the best novels of the season, and congratulate the Toronto firm on having secured the right to reproduce it in Canada.\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014e>\u2014 HOW NEWSPAPERS FALL INTO \u201cBREVITY TRAPS.\" \\ few days ago the news came to hand of a remarkable mistake committed by the \u201cTransvaal Leader\u201d in expanding and preparing for publication a very brief telegram that had been sent to it frem London by Reuter\u2019s news service.The subeditor evidently took no interest in a recent l\u2019arlia- mentarv bve-election in this country, and when the figures of the pole were telegraphed to South Africa thus briefly: \u201cMarks, 1.048; King, 3.006,\u201d without any other introduction whatsoever (telegraphing these long distances being a very expensive matter), he evidently came to the conclusion that thev referred to a billiard match.The result was that in the next morning's issue cf the paper the following item was printed: \u201cBillinrds.\u2014Reuter\u2019s Special to the \u201cLeader.\u201d\u2014 london, Saturday, Oct.8.In the billiard match between Marks and King.the former's score tonight was increased to 4.048 to the latter's 3.666.\u201d Extraordinary and amusing as is such an error, it stands by no means alone, such blunders being of fairly frequent occurrence in the newspaper world, and the cause invariably being the same, though naturally the journals say as little about such things afterwards as possible.The first case on record of such a thing happening, is the famous one in which a provincial journal, having received a telegram stating that \u201cThe Znlus have taken umbrage,\u201d forthwith sent out a large placard bearing the inscription, \u201cCapture of Umbrage by the Zulus.\u201d Other accidents of this kind are, however, spoken of only in Fleet Street.The following is a specimen of one of the most extraordinary : A telegram was sent from London to the papers in New Zealand about the time of the dynamite scares, which read as follows: \u201cDynamite found in Gladstone bag, T.udgate Hill Station.\u201d One of the sub-editors who received this message had no doubt about its meaning, and consequently the next morning the following announcement appeared in the paper: \u201cA quantity of dynamite was yesterday found in Mr.Gladstone's bag at Ludgate Hill Station.\u201d Furthermore, the editor wrote a leading article on the occurrence.in which he said: \u201cWhile we have, as our readers know, no kind of sympathy with Mr.Gladstone's politics, we cannot too strongly condemn the authors of this dastardly outrage upon a deservedly respected public servant.\u201d ve ve dm pe a EIA.em a lbs ii ee AL 5 58.ce ea ES a mi te 5 tm ei es a.THE ARGUS.19 One would have imagined that this version exhausted the possible misinterpretations which it was possible to put upon the simple statement that some dynamite had been found in a stray bag or portmanteau, but an Opposition paper contained the following observations on the same morning: \u201cWe direct the attention of our readers to the sensational cablegram we publish from London.The complicity of Mr.Gladstone with the Irish dynamiters, of which we were always convinced, has now been proved beyond all doubt.We await, with an impatience which we are sure is shared by all our readers, further information of the affair from London.Thank Heaven, we sax.that the efforts of this unscrupulous statesman to dismember the British Empire have brought him \u20180 a felon's cell\u201d On another occasion the newspapers at the Cape received a brief telegram which stated that \u201cThe Government have taken Tuesdays.\u201d The sub-editor should have known, but did not, that it meant the Government had decided to appropriate the Tuesday sittings in Parliament for the transaction of their own official business.\\fter much hesitation he decided that the Tuesdays must be some islands somewhere, and accordingly printed the statement that \u201cThe British Government have annexed the Tuesday Islands.\u201d For some hours afterwards the reading public in South Africa was scratching its head in a vain endeavor to discover, by the help of the most complete maps.the precise locality of these new possessions.When the celebrated horse Enthusiast won the Two Thousand Guinea race, the result, giving the names of the first three horses, was telegraphed as follows: \u201cTwo thousand, Enthusiast, Donovan, Pioneer.\u201d But the message as it was printed in the paper, read: \"Two thousand enthusiasts met to-day in London to welcome Mr.Donovan, the celebrated pioneer.\u201d The first three horses in another great race were telegraphed thus: \u201c\\eracity, Tyrone, Lobster.\u201d to a Colonial journal on the same day that Mr.Gladstone was making a great speech denouncing Mr.Parnell.The sub-editor felt certain that these three odd words had merely become detached from the telegram about the speech, and accordingly he added a line to the account of the statesmen\u2019s oration, saving, \u201cThe right hon.gentleman observed further that the Irish leader had the veracity of a Tyrone lobster.\u201d When Mr.H.Savage I,andor returned from his wanderings in Tibet some years ago, having made an endeavor to reach I,hassa, an account of his experiences was telegraphed to the Colonial journals.Jut one journalist who received the telegram had never heard of Mr.Landor, and the result was that the following announcement was printed: \u2018A savage landor has attempted to get to Lahassa, the result being that the beast was horribly mutilated.\u201d These are called \u201cbrevity traps\u201d in the newspaper offices, and they are dreaded like the plague.SATIRE IN VERSE.SIROWILERID LAWSON'S BOOK OF POLITICAL RHYMES, From the London \u201cDaly Mail\u201d Everybody knows that sir \\Wilirid Lawson writes bad poetry.How bai that poecrv is except for its vein GÉ genal wit the worl.lhas now an opportunity of Judging, In \u2018Cartoons in Rhame and [ne cleverly Thusiratel by Mr, 1°, Carruthers Gould, and publish- el bu Mr.lisher Unwin, we have à book which is dedicated to From \u2018he wor t of pets To the best ot wives The modesty ix justifiable.The subjects dealt with by Sir Wialiridd go back to 1804, and are as up to date as the departure of the Tibetan Mission from Lhasa and the presentation to Colonel Young- husband of the gold statue of Buddha.So NOW With One Voice.let us sing and rejoice, With delight at this gift frem oar brudda; Ax the statue's of geld, Sure, it needn't be \u2018old, Henceforth we shall all worshin Buddha.On the \u201cTimes\u201d leading ariicle on Christmas Day announcing that thourh we were at peace with \u201cChristian communities\u201d we were still fighting \u201csav- roe tribesmen,\u201d Sie WED is at his happiest Thank God, that on this Christmas Day.There's someone whom we still can slay, Still savage tribesmen to our joy.Remain for Christians to destroy, Mad Mullahs roam around the world, Who to perdition must be hurled.So thankful, on this Christmas Day, We feo] there's soma ne lett to slay, Arsenic in beer gives the temperance baronet a great opportunity for pointing a moral.Arsenic and Nicohol are brothers who met in the shade of a friendly tomb-stone, and Alcohol, pleading old age, hands his business over to Brer Arsenic, with dire results.\u201cBut how is this?\" the townsmen cry, While back and knees give Way; \u201cWhence comes this weak and sickly feel?Good Brewers! tell us pray.\u201d \u201c0h,\u201d sav the brewers, \u201cit is naught, For much the same\u2019s the liquor, With the same elements i's fraught, It only kills you quicker!\u201d The \u201cModel Public-Touse™ is a subject for gentle satire :\u2014 The mcdel pub'ic-house, we hear, Exce sive drinking thwarts, It rules thet every man who comes May only drink three quarts. 20 THE ARGUS.When these three quarss he's daly floored tAs any Christian can).He leaves the model public-hense A truly model man.Here is vet another directed at the brewer and the liquor interest :- Who to the heathen far way Sends Christian men to preach and pray, And bring them to a brighter day?My brewer.Who fillx our slums with waifs and s:rays?Who havoc with our nation plays?And brings disgrace on all our ways?My brewer.The reader is led to wonder why Sir Wilfrid does not change his brewer! The neatest of these anti-drink sallies are the lines \u201con the Speaker's coach being drawn by Mr.Whitebread's dravhorses.\u201d \u2018Tix beer, as is to statesmen known, Supports the altar and the throne; And so his steeds, one rightly feels, Should drag the Commons at their heels.His own party comes in for a little scorching.The chaotic condition of present-day Liberalism and the absence of anv definite programme inspire the lines of advice to a Liberal candidate :\u2014 If any one, anxious your motions to search, Should ask you to give him your views on the Church, Say your mind on that question most firmly is set, Bi the matter can not be considered \u201cripe\u201d yet.If next you are asked what you think of the Peers, Say you're sure that they cannot go on many years A State Church, you admit's a political sin, But reform, you feel certain, must come from within.Bloated armaments are a most serious crime, But.